Being a person of utter and complete paranoia, the best has gotten to me lately. As I was driving this morning, reminiscing in the songs that have been popular throughout my life, I have begun to realize a lot of things. 


1: I'm really insecure, and scared of anyone leaving me. (added with I'm paranoid--of cheating)
-This is probably due to the crap that has gone on in my life, beginning with my sister having a baby with a drug-dealer, and putting me in the middle of it. Then after seeing her get beaten while she was pregnant with her child, it made me hesitant. My sister never left her baby. Also, my other sister had been with the same guy almost six years. Little did she know, the entire time that they had been together, he had been cheating on her for four years with a girl that is a year older than I am. Disgusting? I know, but you can't really go back in time and get him arrested for having sex with a minor. 


This leads me to another subject I have been extremely terrified to announce and be proud about publicly (until now. dundundun.) 
Myyy boyfriend :). 
Sure, I've been through several ups and downs with him in the past two months, but I never really understood the meaning of the word 'love' until now. 
It sounds really cliche and lame, of course, but he makes me smile and makes the world a better place. Being anyone else in my relationships have never really given a crap or two about me, he actually does. He cares. He's the kind of guy that anyone would want, and whenever anyone asks why I like him, I could give you a million reasons why this boy COMPLETELY has my heart. So I'll start making a little list :).
1: His smile is completely adorable.
2: His laugh can make me laugh no matter how mad I am at him or anyone else. 
3: He is the greatest daddy in the world. 
4: I can fall asleep by myself on the floor, and wake up with a blanket and his arms around me. 
5: I can be crying, boogers running out of my nose, and he'll wipe my tears and boogers away.
6: If we fight, and it upsets me to great extremes, he realizes that it hurt, and cares. 
7: I can sing the song "crazier" because I can run and give him a hug, and he'll spin me around and give me a kiss.
8: I get butterflies just typing this. :)
9: We can cuddle. And he likes it. 
10: I wouldn't ever think of kissing anyone else, because his are the best, and make everything better. 
11: He takes me out to eat on actual dates (unlike anyone else has.)
12: He claims me to his friends, and kisses me in front of them. 
13: At dances, he hugs me tight and tells me how much he loves me. 
14: he walks me to my car--in the pouring rain, in the snow, etc. 
15: He sings utterly ridiculous songs with me and to me. 
16: He sends me poems, reminding me he loves me.
17: He sends me a good morning text every morning, even if he is off of school. 
18: He claims me in public. 
19: I have a pretty ring on my finger, because he loves me so much. 
20: He doesn't "expect" anything, he cherishes it. 
21: Even if he's an asshole, he'll make up for it later. 
22: He sings cute songs to me, staring me straight in the eyes. 
23: He holds me when I cry.
24: He goes to girly concerts with me. 
25: He'll watch whatever movie I want to, even if he hates it. 
26: We can joke around with each other .
27: He talks about the future. 
28: Anytime anyone asks me what I see with him, I say I could get married today and be perfectly fine. He just smiles and says "me too."
29: He gets angry when I tell him how adorable he is, so he tells me the same thing. 
30: My list could go on and on, but it's getting mushier, so I'll stop.


It's too cold in this classroom to even think any further, and I have forgotten to bring a jacket (today, of all days.) I also have to work the entire night, so exhaustion here I come! :(